she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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