You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
