Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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