I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
