When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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