community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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