What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
