I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
