i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
