I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
