you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
