I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize