i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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