i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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