i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize