I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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