My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
