last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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