he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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