i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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