he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize