u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
