wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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