'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
