the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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