Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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