She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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