what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They took my balls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
