I want to make a zoo with you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
