Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
