You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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