god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
