when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is the high leading the old right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize