trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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