no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
