I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
