We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
