Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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