thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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