you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You took a bar mat shot.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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