I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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