Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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