I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
