I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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