Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
