you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
