i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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