so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
