I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
