What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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