I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
