hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
