I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
