just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
