If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
