This girl is more easily done than said...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
