And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
