Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
