He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
