well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
