And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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