walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
