So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
that may or may not have been my penis.
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