It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
