I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize