when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
