TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
