That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
