That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
