she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did i walk over a car last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize