Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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