His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
