And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize