i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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