The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
