she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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