I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize