my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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