just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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