i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
