I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
